What To Do When Caught By a Kenyan police.

It is about 1:09 am as I write this. Few minutes out from Industrial area police station after an hour of arguing with drunk prison guards who thinks knows it all but they didn’t knew who they are dealing with. How can you arrest someone just because you don’t speak Swahili… I think we are over those days when you would run away after seeing an AP.

Some of this vices we saw in the 80’s should end. They think we still don’t know our rights yet? But well  I found something that can help you to deal with the situation without calling a lawyer.

  1. When you are in one of those “talks” make sure that you don’t look scared, humiliated, regretful, or intimidated. Instead, try to keep your head up. When asked a question, turn away from what you’re looking at (if you’re not looking at the person already) as though you’re reluctant to look at the person’s face. Not a “I’m scared of talking to you” reluctance but a “your face is not worth looking at” reluctance. Answer the question firmly, no “ums” or “uh…”. Don’t let your voice crack or shake, and keep your body firm. If you can’t, then simply explain why you did what you did.
  2. If you get off the hook with just a suspension or grounding, don’t take it further. Taking it further is not fun. Take it far enough for your respect to be questioned, but not for your sanity or mental health to be uncertain. If you are expelled or your parents disown you, you are screwed.

    photo courtesy of dpdbeats.com

  3. Do not resort to violence. Most police officers will respond harshly to this. You might think that police are not allowed to hurt you if you ran away because you are innocent, but this is not the case. It is often best just to come clean with the police when you have been caught in the act or on tape.

If you did something that has you going to court or trial, for your own sake do not follow this article; it will ruin you.

  • Don’t do stuff you absolutely know is wrong in the first place.
  • Do not blame it on someone else. Being cool is different from being a spineless coward.
  • Don’t overdo it. If someone talks to you and you look over at them with a slight shake of the head, that’s overdoing it.
  • Read the whole article from top to bottom before following through.

Warnings

  • Try not to exaggerate, this looks really bad if the other person has access to proof or already knows exactly what happened.
  • If you have an excuse that is liable, logical and true, use it. Don’t say something like, “My dog …” or “The wind…” These kinds of excuses are overlooked.
  • If you’re normally the cute, innocent, or naive type this is something you should gradually slip into. Do not dive right in.
  • Don’t use foul language– It could get you into more trouble
  • Do not lie. However, you can sometimes use pieces of the truth to help you. As long as everything you say is technically true, usually people cannot beat you.

Things You’ll Need

  • Confidence
  • Courage
  • Determination
  • A straight face
  • And that is how I managed to get out thanks to Wikipedia.

 

Dear Future Girlfriend…an article to my future girlfriend.

By Nicholas Maingi

Dear Future girlfriend if you want to get along with a journalist, a blogger and all that stuff here are few things you might want to keep in mind.

You may not like my articles, but just pretend to read along. I will write some articles how beautiful I think you are and when I am in the studio please stop blowing my phone and so many please call me. Give me some room and I will be home very soon.

I love when you are part of my audience, recording a reality TV show and I  see you seated at the very third raw but after the show you see me talking to this chiq not because I’m a player but it is because I just trying to create some fans and followers on my website and social media as well as they support me in my work so don’t overreact am not getting their pants, we shall go home together.

If you can get over the past that am always busy and going places, our chats will never be boring and I can serenade you every night and watch our favorite series I guess Empire 9… and keep up with my horror movies.

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just hoping she looks like this. Tumblr.com

 

There you will get a lot of backstage passes because of me but I promise you one day you will meet my mentor Johnson Mwakazi. I swear I am moving up, but when it is getting rough there will be a time when I think my articles don’t make sense just tell me you are my biggest fan and you might need to hold my hand.

I know some day I will be cashing in some dollars but if that is what you are after darling, it is probably best ujikate  (you move along). This article can be of help to those want to date people like us but you should reconsider if you are out of your mind.

Dear, if you can ignore my job description I can still be home and cook you dinner every once in a while. You might get bored of me talking to myself while trying to compose something in my mind but I can get down one knee and give you flowers or maybe chocolates a dozen roses.

If you are not sick of my voice yet dear, I know am not perfect but I know how to treat you right whoa! Lastly honey I might not have a trust fund at Faulu Bank or an investment at Murata Sacco but I swear I will always keep you warm at night plus I write love poems for a living that means am so romantic as…

 

 

WOMAN CRUSH WEDNESDAY? MAN CRUSH MONDAY? PARENTING FANTASY IN DIGITAL AGE.

 By Nicholas Maingi

 

I am writing this after three days ago when I passed by a nursery school in South B and heard the teacher teaching out loud, “There are seven days in a week…Monday…Tuesday…Wednesday…Thursday…Friday…Saturday and SUNDAY!!!” And the melody and innocent rhythm would continue in an undefined pattern. The teacher would gradually coax each one of them according to their pronunciation of the days.

What confounded me is not the energy in those little angels but the naivety in them. This did not only took me back in the days when i was in Child Welfare but made me think what will my children’s generation tempo will be like if not like those of Dufla or King kaka, only God knows.

I am speculating that everybody or most of the people including our digital children roughly knows what every single day of the week means but if you are still in the analogue system which is obsolete am going strike-through them very fast.

Photo courtesy of Irene Mwaragu

Man Crush Monday

Hip-Hop Tuesday

Woman Crush Wednesday

Throw Back Thursday

Members Day Friday

Going Out Saturday

Thanks Giving Sunday

There you have it folks, my only worry is if our children will grow up with this kind of information where will they be heading? Keep your answer. Would you like see your child posting different his or her WCW or MCM in either case in their social media? That one I need an answer. Do we need a solution, yes we do. Where do we find a solution to curb this phenomena…I have some few.

First you have to keep all the smartphones away from your child before the age of 18.

Second, remind your child of your old memories and how you were taught in those days.

Take time your time to teach your own child, don’t leave all the parenting to the teacher.

If you have to bought your child a phone make sure it does not access to the internet or a qwerty keypad

Am not saying that the new rap of the week is bad but my idea is to try and minimize the level of immorality in our future children. Am not dedicating article to our parents but those parents who were born in the nineties, so do me a favor please. Think about it.